Things i learned from college

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

This isn't a classroom. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to study. They pretend to give me marks.

Not all teachers are annoying. Some are dead.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

No one ever says "It's only a class test," when they are getting an A.

If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday. Today I... No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I... No, I don't.

from the sketch book

From ma sketch book...
Most of these are charcoal sketches of pictures i've seen in net or photos transformed to sketches.
Not good with sketching or shading or anything..but i feel happy after i sketch something...

dreams do come true....

atlast!!!!!!a camera for myown...gwad....atlast....:) and dese are d very 1st snapz i took...

picture of me

ok...let the picture do the talking part this time....this one represent me..yeah...

* the background is black which is ma favorite color

(now from top left clockwise)

* rain...thats something which i love the most among all the seasons.may b because i was born in monsoon season..or may be because rain is so soothing,romantic and inspiring.

* van gogh's 's painting.. the starry night..yep...i love night more than day..i love the dark sky..and the bright stars.

* cinema.movies..most inspiring,most creative thing are good movies i say..the effort and stories behind movies to what i see on screen everything so exciting and so creative..and a day without a movie is not a day 4 me..(thats a lil bit of exaggeration but still am addicted 2 movies..true..)

* books..letters makes ma life..read it or write it..what world it will be if there are no books..

* music and more music..rock..metal.wateva.

*coffee.the best drink according 2 me..( alcoholics don't take this personally..lol..)

*travel..haven't traveled much..gone farthest til mumbai..but i love to travel,see different people,try new food,do some shopping,take some pictures and come back with lots of memories to cherish..

i

i am: practitioner not a preacher

i think:almost all the time

i know: very little but somehow adjust with that

i want: to live life to the fullest chasing and conquering all my dreams

i have: the quality to listen to others and finding solution to problems

i wish: i to erase all ma nightmares

i hate: cheaters and liars

i miss: something in ma life which i dont know what exactly it is

i fear: fear??

i feel: nothing atall

i hear: ma voice from inside which might be conflicting with some ideas or ideologies

i smell: dove cream

i crave: freedom

i search: for answers all the time

i wonder: why the hell me always

i regret: giving priority to people who doesn't worth it

i love: food,music,movie,book and myself

i ache: hell no..i wont ache anymore

i am not: a perfect person.so if you got expectations it not my problem

i dance: only once that too when there are hundreds dancing around me and no1 eva noticd that im dancing

i sing: along with ma ipod

i cry: silent tears only

i don't always: do what you tell me to do

i fight: with anything and anyone that i feels worth putting a fight

i write: occasionally when i feels so

i win: battles of heart

i lose: ma thought that everything happens for a good reason

i never: jump into anything that's not comfortable to me

i always: be what i am

i confuse: the already confused ones

i listen: to those who wants to talk to me

i can usually be found: with ma friends,online or alone

i need: some fresh air

i am happy about: being able to find happiness in small simple stuffs

i imagine: what my future gonna to be

i tag: anyone who reads this blog

do let me know

Feeling of losing
Feeling of missing
Feeling of loneliness
Feeling of sadness
Desperate to cry
Need to scream
Wanna to die may times
Mad at you and mad at me
Don't wanna do anything
Just close my eyes and cry the silent tears
But unable to do any of these
What will you do then
If you know the answer,
Do let me know and do let the world know.

what is happening to us??

We all boast that we live in a technologically advanced society...The world is at our finger tip..Last day i was just thinking how fast everything around us changing..how fast we are changing and adapting to everything...


Ten years before..almost..there was this banyan tree near our home..I used to notice how it changes every season..sometimes no leaves atall,then those tender green leaves will come,then those dark green leaves which son turn brow n finally the tree stays there with branches high up in sky with no leaves..this happens year after year after year..no one noticed it much..not even that the tree was cut and now there is a building there in place of the banyan tree..I just said this because things change and we neva notice it..when i was a kid..i six or seven years old i could still rememba the rainy days...the road will be flooded and heavy rain.and on Wednesdays we gotta wear white and white and i half walk half swim from home to the bus stop fully drenched in rain...but now many years passed and there are no rains like that in june-july,no floods,no time for kids to stop by and splash water or make paper boats..



Ive neva heard of mobile phones or pc's when i was ten..But lil kids of that age now talk about sms,mms,bluetooth,war of the world,pop,half life2,hotwheels and batman..hmmm....everyone having more virtual friends than real ones.no one cares for anyone else,not even themselves sometimes..


We used have better memory and more concentration..Because we used to one task at a time...but now its age of multitasking..you talk to your friend on the phone,you chat with some one in gtalk also and thinking about the ad you saw 15 minutes before..may there will be a time when we could no longer do sums fast and everyone start thinking why all the effort when there are calculators or something better or what all the fuss about concentration, im ok this way channel surfing changing channels at the rate of 50 channels per minute..

Banyan trees will be cut,climate will change,our kids will neva know how to make paper boats,more sophisticated gadgets will come,economy will change,WE will change but will it be too late when we stat thinking what is happening to us....may be humans will evolve into human machines!!!!

the return of me...

hey...long time...i haven't written anything....the college days kinda getting bored...hmm..and was not in a mood to write..but now im back...hurray...yippee...lol....if noone welcomes me atleast i myself should do so na....

beware of sad face mutants

there are several types of lier's....
those who lie just for the sake of time pass,those who lie for their existence and there is a third and ultimate type that is those who lie just to make your life more miserable one..here i take the honor to bring you attention to a particular specious among the the third types..
these group of liers you can meet any where from pre primary to pg classes and the become active in the exam season only..
on a very fine exam morning when you are so pissed off,studies something, know nothing and somehow after the terrible bus ride and reach the college then those belong to this species who dwell in the deep dark creepy hostel rooms after their whole night study and re revision will somehow miraculously appear before you with the saddest face you could ever see on earth and the sad puppy look..at the instant you see them you who got couple of modules to finish and not half an hour left for exam will feel pity for them.and pity grew to strong compassion as these kin of people open their mouth.they will mutter the saddest of the saddest stories like how much they have to finish studying,how sick they where these days and how tensed they are.you the poor victim will find time to hold their hand and utter words of compassion and assure them that exams will be fine and when finally when you come to the reality world you will find that there is only five more minutes for the exam to start and now you are the one who didn study anything and there is no one to show compassion to you...fine...lets go and try some luck...
the exams somehow over and you somehow got out of the exam hall cursing those who set the question paper with exactly those topics which you didn study..and..tada...the puppy face fellows are still out here...and they have spotted you and will stop you and now you have to listen to their sad stories of how they couldn't write the exams well for half and hour and then you will miss the college bus and have to walk all the way to the bus stop..curse on all the puppy face homoSadfaceSapiences..
the story never ends here..you will finally forget all about the exams..but a day will come when th ultimate wrath of the exam god is upon you..the day when mark sheets come..you will be staring at your mark sheets and thanking for scoring just pass marks for all the subjects..then these sad faces will appear there as if they pooped out from thin air..wait a minute..what sad face...i see evil smile there..i neva knew that these species could even smile..the will come attacking you with their mark sheets and then start comparing your marks with theirs and explain how miraculously they scored high A+ in all the subjects and not just that they will look at you such a way that you will feel that they could see right through you.will comment how poor your mars is and how you ill survive in such a world with so much competition with such low marks..last nail on your coffin..
then these people will walk away with that smile on their face as if they have won the battle..and when all you want to do is to yell,"fuck you..to hell with you...you got an A+,big deal,kiss my ass..",what you will do is smile,nod,smile combination which can be interpreted as yes im a looser..
for all the poor souls who dealt with these deadly species a note of warning-compassion is crap..even if you are not good enough to score all A+,be smart enough to try i didn see you techniques wheneva you happen to see a sad face exam busting mutant..

the game of luka chuppi !!!!!!!!!

why the kid so obsessed with the game of luka chuppi???where did everything went wrong...to cure something cant just do it in a day...we may have to go back..long back...may be a twenty years back..we have to find the root of this hatred,this anger,this rebellious nature..there was one small kid who used to play with all these spoons and vessels and who could still remember being in the age of two or something and the pink dress and a house under construction..why the kid throw the spoons into the small canal nearby..why always preferred to be alone.why was afraid darkness..why too proud to tell want something..why neva complained.may be kid is afraid of noises..loud noises.arguments and sounds of disagreement..but people didn't know that a kid so small can even think of have got feelings..the kid used to wonder those days whether all the grownups were ever young or just born as grownups..the kid used to see a lot of dreams.scary ones,don't know what ones,what the hell ones and a lot of i don't rememba ones..and dreamed and dreamed more and heard more and more unpleasant noises a different world came into existence where there is no one else but the kind and the dreams only exist.a world more or less like what happens when you press the mute button of your remote..like that pressing some invisible mute button the kid takes away all the noises that make the world so horrific and filled nightmares..



then the kid started growing..hearing the word no and don't everywhere...don't go there..don't look..no,you cant come.no,you have to go..finally the kid no longer cares for anyone and anything..then the so called school...not entierly bad..nothing can be fully bad.because even something bad will teach you that it is bad,which is a good lesson..but the kid was running.hiding..away and away..from everything..why...kid is unaware why...simply running..and was screaming inside..even kids got feelings...screaming look at me,listen to me,im troubled and why don't you have any time to listen to me,why not little more love,some more talks,why no hugs no kisses no spending time together..why..why..why..no answers always..just the echo of questions remains..and the kid fall in love with books..read a lot.think a lot..and fall in love with Bagath Sing and Azadh for no reason...started feeling so strange when know more about the nation and old old stories of bravery..but could neva understand the logic of studying hard about freedom and neva felt it anywhere..a lot of questions...why should th kid follow the rules..why go to pray like everyone does..what is the point of listening to the same old stuff thats written by someone somewhere for which there is not even a proof that it exist..so kid decides the world don't decide the rules but the kid decide the rule...ones life..so why to bother to wait to follow the stuff what others want the kid to follow when the kid no longer cares about others..

the kid has been hiding..yeah...not behind the tree,not under the bed or somewhere else but inside the kid itself like keeping a secret identity...but now the kid got tired of the game..and thought of stop playing it anymore..but when finally decided something is terribly wrong...something is missing....now its nothing but the kid is missing..the spirit within is missing..or...or..is it like the kid still playing the game of luka chuppi from the grown up version of the kid..now want that kid within back.but its too late..kid won may be..i cudnt find the kid..but that doesn't mean i will stop searching..no...im not planing to quit playing the game...this is not the end...this is not the last sentence..after the full stop there is another sentence,when that sentence end a new paragraph will begin and when it end a new chapter and so on...yes...

Superhero

i used to hate that word..superhero...phew..mainly because i don't like any of hose movies..superman or spiderman or x-men...any of those...there was nothing real in any of those..nothing comes close to human...always there can feel that it all artificial...but recently happen to watch the batman begins..hmm....idea shift..may be...this is a real person..with fear..but the effort taken to overcome the fear...transforming the fear within oneself to being feared by others..thats brilliant...

"You traveled the world... Now you must journey inwards... to what you really fear... it's inside you... there is no turning back. Your parents' death was not your fault. Your training is nothing. The will is everything. If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, you become something else entirely. Are you ready to begin?" hmm....thats not just a question for Bruce Wayne..i felt like its a question for everyone including me who has got deep fears within but never ready to give up them or accept the fear or overcome it....when Alfred Pennyworth asks," Why bats, Master Wayne?",Bruce answers," Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies shared my dread."


o boy...o boy..im inspired...im a changed person...wow..wonderful....hmm.....am i??gosh....that assignment..if i didn submit that lady is gonna screw up ma life..attendance shortage...ooo....but the classes are too boring to attend..but wait wait...what about the clean image..the front row seats...internals...and the damn job im supposed to get after an year...and ofcorse the percentage im supposed to keep...to hell with superhero..to hell with Bruce Wayne or Batman or anything...In real itz not that easy to get inspired or to overcome ones own fears....easy way is...don't care.don't bother..don't give damn about anything....that helps...and finally stop being in the fantasy world and start living in reality...end of the superhero story..

mighty eight

saw this tag from g-man....thought i will give it a try.....

8 things I am passionate about

1- Movies..Im crazy about movies....

2- Music...Its ma life..itz everything 2 me....

3- Food..any new stuff..im always ready 2 try it out...like ive tried frog fry sum time back and loved it...not eataholic...but i loveeeee food...

4- Books...i would have died of boredom if i neva fall in love with books..

5- Travel..a journey across the world....if i could then i will be the happiest on earth...

6- Net..not just passionate....i couldn't go a single day without net now.

7- My pc.....oooo..how could i ever forget you ma dear....:)yeah...in the extreme case of loneliness you will start loving and start thinking your pc is alive...it has a will of its own....atleast i think so..

8- Life....ultimate passion...wanna live it my way..wanna enjoy life to the last moment...every happy or sad moments...will keep everything with me...



8 things I wanna do before I die

1- Travel a lot

2- Earn a lot of money

3- Go and chase my dreams

4- Learn to play guitar

5- Write a book..too much to wish..i know...:-P

6- Learn some marshal arts...

7- Kill a few people...atleast in my dreams..

8-Live the life before i die and the die with a smile in the heart thinking, yeah..i love my life..


8 things I say often

1- I don't care

2- Get lost

3- what d

4- damn it

5- crap

6- ok,lemme see

7- yeah!!!

8- im bored



8 books I read recently


1-The grapes of wrath-John Steinbeck

2- A thousand splendid suns-Khalid Hosseini

3- Self reliance-Ralph W Emerson

4- Jonathan Livingston Seagull-Richard Bach

5- The art of war-Sun Tzu

6- The jesus papers-Michael Baigent

7- Papillon-Henrie Charriere

8- The war of terror in Colombia-Garry Leech



8 songs I could listen to over and over again


1- Nothing Else Matters-Metallica(i am addicted to this song)

2- Coming Back to Life-Pink Floyd..every time i feel down this song brings me back to life

3- Like A Rolling Stone-Bob Dylan...simply awesome..

4- My Immortal-Evanescence

5- Don't Wanna Miss A Thing-Aerosmith

6- I love Rock 'n' Roll-Joan Jett & Blackhearts

7- Heart Shaped Box-Nirvana

8- Sweet Child Of Mine-Guns ‘n’ Roses


8 people I think should do this tag

Im not even sure that a total of eight people read my bolg....hehe...whoeva read this and feels like being tagged will be those lucky eight...:)and wanna thank the one and only one,the immortal-G Man for the tag....And in many ways our interests seems similar...

Dialogs dialogs.

there are a lot of movies i love a lot....and there are some dialogs from these movies which stays with me now and may be for ever.....here goes the list and the dialogs...

Cinema Paradiso

Alfredo : Living here day by day, you think it's the center of the world. You believe nothing will ever change. Then you leave: a year, two years. When you come back, everything's changed. The thread's broken. What you came to find isn't there. What was yours is gone. You have to go away for a long time... many years... before you can come back and find your people. The land where you were born. But now, no. It's not possible. Right now you're blinder than I am.

Alfredo: Once upon a time, a king gave a feast. And there came the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Now, a soldier, who was standing guard, saw the king's daughter go by. She was the most beautiful one, and he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do when it came to the daughter of the king? Well, finally, one day, he managed to meet her, and he told her that he could no longer live without her. The princess was so impressed by his strong feelings that she said to the soldier: "If you can wait 100 days and 100 nights under my balcony, then at the end of it, I shall be yours." Damn! The soldier immediately went there and waited one day. And two days. And ten. And then twenty. And every evening, the princess looked out of her window, but he never moved. During rain, during wind, during snow, he was always there. The bird shat on his head, and the bees stung him, but he didn't budge. After ninety nights, he had become all dried up, all white, and the tears streamed from his eyes. He couldn't hold them back. He no longer had the strength to sleep. All that time, the princess watched him. And on the 99th night, the soldier stood up, took his chair, and went away.
Salvatore: [later in the film, Toto gives Alfredo his interpretation] ... In one more night, the princess would have been his. But she also could not possibly have kept her promise. And it would have been terrible. He would have died. This way, however, at least for 99 days, he was living under the illusion that she was there, waiting for him.

V for Vendetta

V : Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
[carves V into poster on wall]
V: The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
[giggles]
V: Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Before Sunrise

Celine: I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away.

Celine: I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.

The Motorcycle Diaries

Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: How is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world I never knew?

Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: What do we leave behind when we cross each frontier? Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land.

Amelie

Narrator: On September 3rd 1973, at 6:28pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute landed on Rue St Vincent, Montmartre. At the same moment, on a restaurant terrace nearby, the wind magically made two glasses dance unseen on a tablecloth. Meanwhile, in a 5th-floor flat, 28 Avenue Trudaine, Paris 9, returning from his best friend's funeral, Eugène Colère erased his name from his address book. At the same moment, a sperm with one X chromosome, belonging to Raphaël Poulain, made a dash for an egg in his wife Amandine. Nine months later, Amélie Poulain was born.

Amélie: [to blind man] Let me help you. Step down. Here we go! The drum major's widow! She's worn his coat since the day he died. The horse's head has lost an ear! That's the florist laughing. He has crinkly eyes. In the bakery window, lollipops. Smell that! They're giving out melon slices! Sugarplum, ice cream! We're passing the park butcher. Ham, 79 francs. Spareribs, 45! Now the cheese shop. Picadors are 12.90. Cabecaus 23.50. A baby's watching a dog that's watching the chickens. Now we're at the kiosk by the metro. I'll leave you here. Bye!

Narrator: September 28th, 1997. It is exactly 11am. At the funfair, near the ghost train, the marshmallow twister is twisting. Meanwhile, on a bench in Villette Square, Félix Lerbier learns there are more links in his brain than atoms in the universe. Meanwhile, at the Sacré Coeur, the nuns are practicing their backhand. The temperature is 24°C, humidity 70%, atmospheric pressure 990 millibars.




for the time being thats enough....and my sincere thanks to IMDB...:)

ooooo..:(

around 9 pm...yesterday..i heard a crash outside.n the road..just in front of my house..some crash...minor one..or some bike mite have skipped..why bother..just like that..i went on..having an exam today..PCB..don't know a thing..yep..then what..dinner ofcorse..again back with all those dumb photostat for which i wasted more than 100 bucks...9.45-9.50...people yelling..a lot of noise fro outside..ambulance siren..i again looked out of window to find a lot of people and then vehicles and police and an ambulance..some man was hit by some vehicle and was taken to the hospital..shit...that crashing sound..bloody fuck..im such an idiot..if i care to get out of house and look..ooo...that man was there in the road bleeding and i was sitting there doing nothing...im..i dunno..what to say..PCB...exam...fuck the exam..what will happen to him...will he be ok..i hope so..these are the moments that wont come back..like getting a chance to save some one but never did a thing to do so..now stop complaining..im telling that to myself..but in the morning when i saw a pair of shoes in front of my house and all those broken glasses and a pool of blood which was still there when i came back after my exams..i dunno...im all out of words...just..just..nothing wont be wrong..isnt it..

im falling in love with bob dylan,am i??

who's singing at this hour....phew..2 am in the morning and im trying to get some sleep here..all these people around here gone nuts or what...god damn it...to hell with all..am i swearing again..i need to do something about that or should just pretend that its a completely natural phenomenon to swear...but that song..i heard it only once..somewhere...but how come at this time some here sing the most uncommon song at this odd hour(im in ma room and i don't sing and neither do anyone at home)...

arggggg..here again.....

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

i decided to do some research(which can be simply translated as googling)

entered the key word,"like a rolling stone"

hit the search button...

Bob Dylan..

tada...............mystery solved..is it???

then why the hell my heart feels so heavy and it feels like it aches..why i keep hearing the sound, Ho-o-o-ow does it fe-e-e-el all around me..i don't know...

downloaded the song..enqueued it into the player..set the repeat track option on...switch off the light..comfortable in the armchair,head phone connected,eyes closed..2 am in the morning im falling love with this wonderful,most amazing,sole stirring music and assuming that im a rolling stone..crazy...i know..im like that....


Ho-o-o-ow does it fe-e-e-el
How does it fe-e-e-el ...

For Sale!!!!!

Ok…Here we go…This is not about all the ordinary stuff you usually see for sale,this is something different,very different and very rarely put for sale but here in this case in our story that’s not true..lets call the lady about whom am gonna tell you, Mariene Mascarenas,or at least that’s what she told me her name is..whats special about this 31 year old lady is she put something most unusual for sale,for a noble cause,her womb. never dare to misunderstand or call her a hooker.shez a noble women..thats what I think..She had this very bad past of having a very bad husband who she never loved or whom never loved her and who never wanna to have a baby with her..four years..thats all it all lasted..the lady,Mariene walked out of that door and stepped into the world outside..But she had no job,no money..she could have been end up like what any other girl would have been done,be a hooker,get some cash..but the path she chosen..thats what makes her different..she rents her womb for nine months for those unhappy women are so not able to carry their babies in their womb. Mariene safe keep their babies with her for all the nine months and give the baby back to the couples after they are born..Suzane,Ann and a third boy baby whose parents don’t wanna disclose the details live in the world now just because this lady got the kind heart to rent her womb..so..next time before you laugh at,or moke someone who rents her womb as a hooker think twice..this is not a social evil..but rather a social service..and all the pain and suffering behind all those
Mariene’s out there and all the circumstances that make them sell their womb should be considered…hope people understand the feelings behind the seemingly emotionless eyes and broken hearts..

troubles and solutions??

you know,there is this feeling,something like the heart feeling so heavy,like there is an empty space ,a hole in the heart..i don't understand why am i having that feeling within me all the time.may be its my problem.always seeking for a difference which may be not even existing for real.but there is this conflict within and the inability not being able to choose what is right and what is not is sure a pain which stick to oneself day after day after day like for ever and i cant take that pain anymore is what i am trying to say.you got the idea..yeah..right..im always stuck like this,not knowing what to say or what exactly to say..may be we should start telling the story from th beginning,like it always supposed to be..

there was this person..ok..yeah..thats me itself..and there are always dreams.a lot of them.warm ones,sad ones,colorful ones..and every morning after a new dream there was a moment of emptiness that surrounds and it can be referred to be happy being sad or something like that..there was this everlasting feeling of happiness within of seeing different pictures,random ones,lots of colors,all the unknown places,even hear unknown languages in ma dreams..and then there comes this feeling that im wasting ma life doing something which i don't wanna do or in a more positive way i wanna to do something which i love to..but the sadness comes when im not sure of what i should do,where should i go,and finally where do i belong..all these are unanswered..so there starts the heart feeling heavy part..now u getting a picture..a vague one..i hope so..you know,im not quite good at explaining stuff at times..

people keep telling me what matters is to be the best at what you are doing right now and not looking for what you can do the best..is that right..may be..but i can't agree with that just like that..say..taking a degree from a not that bad college,and getting an ok job.moving on in life with that..better job,better salary.life all good n well and nice..but what about me..what about what i feel..isn't there anything like my feelings too counts..what if it is like after twenty years or thirty i sit back in a fine evening over a cup of coffee and happen to think of my past,all what ive been gone through and what if i happen to be not happy with the life i had,the way i spent it,like the rest of the people did,but whats the whole point in it if i cant smile a honest smile,something true from my heart about ma life..then why..should i keep regret about how i wasted all ma good times doing what i don't wanna to..this is my problem..but so far i haven't found any solutions..but son im gonna to find one..and when i find one,no matter what im going to stick to that..thats for sure..i swear..thats for sure..

The lyrics says it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be..

Tierd and sick...........

Being myself is a crime....Is it....Huh...Yeah..thats what this fucking place taught me..Everyone want you to be in someone else shoes,which is the last thing i wanna do...If you want me to be not me then fuck off..i don't give a damn any...Live my life the way i want..You don't tell me what to and what not to do..Its my life i decide what im gonna be and what am i now...

This place is nothing but a graveyard combined a junkyard...I shouldn't have opted for this in the first place..My mistake..You people think getting into a good engineering college is everything..Getting double placed is the end of all dreams come true...In a way both the above are end of something called my life and my dreams...I feel like stuck in the wrong place...Like in neva neva land..There is no escape,no turning back..If im in neva neva land then i don't wanna come back because being there,being anywhere but not here seems a better option..Ok..Lemme tell ya something..The fucking university can lags as much as it wants as three to four months no classes or exams..The fucking teachers can do anything like close the college telling there is water shortage when in real there is only shortage of good teachers..and later trying to make up for all this by cutting short the semester to 1-1.5 months...what the fuck...Why should i pay for all this,why should i be the experimental specimen..I don't understand..I don't understand anything except that i hate the whole system..Feel like an alien out there..

Now what happening is i stopped worrying,stopped complaining i stopped caring and finally stopped thinking...Just one more year..Hope it will go as fast as the last three years of my life i wasted here...Now what im gonna do is load my play list and then listen to linking park in high volume and swear like anything and go to sleep...

"When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong...."

Dorothea Lange...............

Dorothea Lange
Photographer, 1895-1965

Dorothea Lange was born in Hoboken, New Jersey. She studied photography at Columbia University and worked at a New York portrait studio until 1918 when she began to travel. Stranded in San Francisco, she continued studio work during the 1920’s. With her husband, the painter Maynard Dixon, she traveled the southwest, photographing Native Americans. She believed that the camera could teach people ”how to see without a camera.”

Lange's best-known picture is titled "Migrant Mother". The woman in the photo is Florence Owens Thompson ,but Lange apparently never knew her name. The original photo had Florence's thumb and index finger on the tent pole, and was retouched in an attempt to hide Florence's thumb. Her index finger was left untouched (lower right in photo).

Lange spoke about her experience taking the photograph:

I saw and approached the hungry and desperate mother, as if drawn by a magnet. I do not remember how I explained my presence or my camera to her, but I do remember she asked me no questions. I made five exposures, working closer and closer from the same direction. I did not ask her name or her history. She told me her age, that she was thirty-two. She said that they had been living on frozen vegetables from the surrounding fields, and birds that the children killed. She had just sold the tires from her car to buy food. There she sat in that lean-to tent with her children huddled around her, and seemed to know that my pictures might help her, and so she helped me. There was a sort of equality about it.

And what to say more..The photographs speak well and good rather than words..so just go thrw the eight photo series from Dorothea Lange...

Dorothea Lange-1

Dorothea Lange-2

Dorothea Lange-3

Dorothea Lange-4

Dorothea Lange-5

Dorothea Lange-6

Dorothea Lange-7

Dorothea Lange-8

Movie for thought-Taare Zameen Par

I go to theater to watch movie is rare,and to go for a Hindi movie is very rare and only once in a blue moon i happen to like any of the Hindi movies...The last one i saw..OSO...That movie big time sucks...And ive decided neva again to go for another..But Aamir Khan movie..Thats the reason why im in the theater today for Taare Zameen Par...And...The movie is truly amazing..

Me and ma friend reached the theater just in time.Actually we were running and overtake two groups of kids who were walking ahead of us to the theater for the same movie..And somehow manged to get two tickets and me and she got into the theater and took our seats...Got couple of minutes to 2pm..Ads are running..The same old boring ones..And the theater is full of kids...Two posh schools from the locality booked almost all the balcony tickets and the theater full of children of the age fifteen to seventeen and some parents and teachers with them and the rest usual kind of audiences...Like the guy and gal who were sitting behind us and the gal is superb hot and the guy is so,u know,not so hot type and obviously we were commenting on everyone including these two..I was a bit astonished to see the innocent looking kids wearing very sexy outfits and very small boy of fourteen or something with one ear pearsed...I was like...Wow...Ive missed a couple of years around here or what..I was in an old jeans with a bit torn because using for a couple of years and a kurtha and a chappal..And some of these kids were staring at me when i was getting the ticket like i am some alien...lolz..

At last the ads ova..the movie began..I don't think there is any need to repeat the whole story here..Everyone know about Ishan with dyslexia and his struggle to survive and the avoidance from parents and teachers and how cruel the world treats and avoids a child and never care to see the imaginative world of the kid with colors and dreams..And in the wold where competition and winning is what only matters,where the classmates moke him all the time,being the last one in the class,kicked out of class,dumbed in a boarding school...But fortunate enough in getting a helping friend but the rest is the same old cruel world..And then a new art teacher arriving ,in a different way,breaking the conventions,with music and in clown costume and.........Intermission!!!

I was in tears..I don't know why...But this is good tears..Different tear..Being happy is good feeling..being sad is a bad feeling..Both of these are true but not all true..To me there is something third felling which is like being happy and sad at the same time..Like tears in ma eyes ,But in ma heart im happy like anything..This happens wheneva i see good movies..Or anything too good..Like a good picture or music or anything like that.This time i see something,a lil bit of me in the screen..The pain ive felt in ma childhood..The pain of being avoided,both at home and school..When i didn't get marks for drawing because i couldn't copy what is drawn in the board as such and color like the way i was told to in ma KG classes..And in primary school i was give five hundred times imposition of one full chapter because couldn't tell what 'an' means...yes,its true..And punished with stick without any mercy for not being able to say th multiplication table of 19 correctly..And also have to stay out of ma class in ma knees an hour for writing a poem in class...I was deep in all these thoughts and the i saw someone among passing burgers and soft drinks to all those kids..Lucky bastards!!I thought, since i neva went to a movie like that from my school or with my parents and i didn't ate anything for the lunch...Everyone in the theater are rushing in and out to get snacks and soft drinks..Everyone busy munching and sipping cool drinks..Who cares about Ishan and dyslexia since this is intermission and have to eat as much as they could as if never seen food ever before or eva after and what the point of watching the movie without the snack part!!!

Lights off and the second part of the movie.every one rushed in and the story continues but with a new hope by the arrival of the art teacher..The occasional sniffs and sobs now spreading among the audience in the theater...The guy and gal sitting behind us..I told you na..The gal started crying so loud and me and ma friend turned around and we shouldn't have..hehe..Every where there is the echo of people tearing the lace packets,munching snacks and the sound of soft drink bottles hitting the floor...An how can they cry in between all the eating..I started hating the people..I already am a misanthrope..Such a beautiful movie and all they care about is food and more food and the dunbass can kiss his girlfriend some other time somewhere else na..Why this movie!!Any way why should i care..As far im enjoying the movie.um..Back to the movie.Then the teacher finds the child's problem and helps him and finds his talent of painting and the imaginative and creative mind of the child and then help him in mastering the words and spelling and conquer the dyslexia..And it all having good result.Then the painting competition and the kid winning it and the teacher drawing kids picture and both getting selected for the schools annual magazine as front and back covers..So far so good...Kids parents coming to school at the end of the year and hearing their child has improved so much and all the teachers so proud of him as a student and as a good artist..And to my wonder people stopped munching and showing more interest in movie sometime in between..all the kids going home and now Ishan also going with his parents and brother and before going he turns back and runs into the hands of his art teacher for one last hug and the last shot of the movie..Thats the end of the movie..No!!!!!There is an anticlimax..The people in the theater started applauding..Thats the rarest thing to happen in a small theater like this for a no masala movie like this..So everyone not so dumb as i thought they were even if they will forget all about the movie and the teachers will continue to torture students like what they did to Ishan and parents will blame the kids more for losing one mark less than the kid next door and many wont be as lucky as Ishan Awasthi in the real life!!!!!
THE END

Me,myself and my bored mind....

Hmm..This is me deciding to write something about me,myself........Itz kinda difficult 2 add words to what you like and especially when out of words...And still why am i writing all these crap....Simply because im bored 2 death and nothing else 2 do.so.where where are we..yeah..writing something about me.. ...umm..let me think...Somebody told me something which is like this-2 start the conversation with a catchy sentence is good..I hope this 1 is good..
Methods are many,
Principles are few.
Methods change often,
Principles never do....
What the hell this has to do with the about me ...Yeah..Yeah...Coming to the point...Before that wanna ask something..What the hell u have to do with my life..Was i rude...dude..Datz my problem..I'm a sadist sometimes...And one thing i like to say....just anothe thought came crasing into me now...
There are four types of people in this world.
There are people that make things happen.
There are people that watch things happen.
There are people that wonder what happened.
And there are people that don't know anything happened..
The first three type are ok...But the fourth type na..Datz the majority and do you know what they do?Actually they don't know a damn but they think that know everything...But should i let them decide what i should do and not to do..Am i asking 2 many questions...oo..That is also a question na....hmm..This is no good...I was planing 2 write something about me and this is deviating from the core topic,taht is about me ofcorse...what 2 say....ok..Im tired of being numb,tiered of walking in someone else shoes,tiered of being sorry.And i used 2 dream and now i dream of dreaming...What is happening to me...I may be pretending that I'm no more what i was..The last thing i wanna to happen to me is being nobody.
I keep on remembering long passages like this for no good reason...Where did i hear that..dunno..Itz like this.."Living here day by day,you happen to think it's the center of the world.You believe nothing will ever change.Then you leave:a year,two years many more...When you come back,everything is changed.The thread has been broken.What you come to find isn't there.What was yours is gone.You have to go away for a long time,many years,before you can come back and find your people.The land where you were born.But now,no,its not possible.Right now now you were blinder than i am." Don't ask me what that passage has to do with this...Because i really don't know why it came to my mind...But now i do remember that it is from one movie ive seen,cinema paradiso..
And there is something else.It is the same dream i keep on seeing...Not once,not twice but many times..Now thats another long story ,like me climbing a mountain path,reaching a monastery,a deserted one,and finding a monk,a kid in a dark room an i waking up every time when that kid about to turn back..Everything about me is like that..A bit uncertain...I think im far away from what i was planing to tell..Rememba..the about me stuff...hmm..now im really bored of typing also...may be will tell about me some other time.May be a part three..now dont kill me for that.I neva told you 2 read all the crap i write here..........lol...