troubles and solutions??

you know,there is this feeling,something like the heart feeling so heavy,like there is an empty space ,a hole in the heart..i don't understand why am i having that feeling within me all the time.may be its my problem.always seeking for a difference which may be not even existing for real.but there is this conflict within and the inability not being able to choose what is right and what is not is sure a pain which stick to oneself day after day after day like for ever and i cant take that pain anymore is what i am trying to say.you got the idea..yeah..right..im always stuck like this,not knowing what to say or what exactly to say..may be we should start telling the story from th beginning,like it always supposed to be..

there was this person..ok..yeah..thats me itself..and there are always dreams.a lot of them.warm ones,sad ones,colorful ones..and every morning after a new dream there was a moment of emptiness that surrounds and it can be referred to be happy being sad or something like that..there was this everlasting feeling of happiness within of seeing different pictures,random ones,lots of colors,all the unknown places,even hear unknown languages in ma dreams..and then there comes this feeling that im wasting ma life doing something which i don't wanna do or in a more positive way i wanna to do something which i love to..but the sadness comes when im not sure of what i should do,where should i go,and finally where do i belong..all these are unanswered..so there starts the heart feeling heavy part..now u getting a picture..a vague one..i hope so..you know,im not quite good at explaining stuff at times..

people keep telling me what matters is to be the best at what you are doing right now and not looking for what you can do the best..is that right..may be..but i can't agree with that just like that..say..taking a degree from a not that bad college,and getting an ok job.moving on in life with that..better job,better salary.life all good n well and nice..but what about me..what about what i feel..isn't there anything like my feelings too counts..what if it is like after twenty years or thirty i sit back in a fine evening over a cup of coffee and happen to think of my past,all what ive been gone through and what if i happen to be not happy with the life i had,the way i spent it,like the rest of the people did,but whats the whole point in it if i cant smile a honest smile,something true from my heart about ma life..then why..should i keep regret about how i wasted all ma good times doing what i don't wanna to..this is my problem..but so far i haven't found any solutions..but son im gonna to find one..and when i find one,no matter what im going to stick to that..thats for sure..i swear..thats for sure..